Lately, I overheard two women talking while I was at the gym the other day.
One was slightly older than me, the other was around 20 years old. The younger one seemed distraught about dating in general.
At one point, she said, “I don’t know what happened. Your generation had men who didn’t see us as people but still tried to protect us. My generation has men who really, truly hate us.”
This sentiment stuck with me that entire day. Looking back to what life was like in my 20s, I realised that she was right. Misogyny was always there, but it changed.
The science backs up that most human beings don’t see women as people.
I recently found out that there was a study done on how men perceive women — and it shook me to my core. A study from the European Journal of Social Psychology revealed that men see men as full human beings but see women as a collection of body parts.
The study itself focused on what parts of the brain lit up when they saw women in bikinis versus men. Their brains registered women as body parts. Men, on the other hand, were seen as human beings.
In other words, their brains went to “local processing,” which is what happens when we see items like cars or books when they see women. For images of men, their brains use “global processing,” which is what happens when you see people or beloved pets.
Incidentally, women processed women the same way in many cases. So, if you feel like you’re always objectified as a woman, you’re correct. People’s brains literally don’t see you as a person.
Misogyny and objectification were always there, but there used to be a different mainstream type.
You might have heard of the term “benevolent misogyny” or “benevolent sexism” This is a type of behaviour that occurs when a man truly thinks that women are less than them and weaker than them.
Benevolent sexism involves things like men opening doors for women because they think women are weak or assuming that women need to be protected at all costs. This also can be seen in Sugar Daddy living as well as tradwife circles.( don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with been courteous to either sex)
Men who are benevolent sexists don’t really hate women, per se. They just don’t see them as people and try to treat them like weak, possessable objects.
They don’t like women because they don’t see them as human beings, but they don’t hate them. Benevolent sexists are the men who put women on a pedestal, assume they’re “nurturing,” and assume all women want kids.
Benevolent sexists just don’t really take their feelings into account and assume that they know women better than women know themselves. This is why men of the past would restrict women as a way to “protect them.”
Some genuinely believed they were doing the right thing because they genuinely, truly didn’t see women as anything but overgrown kids. That doesn’t mean it’s good. It still hurts and undermines women.
Recently, more and more women have started to talk about the spike in misogyny online.
While benevolent sexism has a veneer of positivity, there’s another form of sexism that doesn't even try to hide the hate. That’s known as “malevolent sexism,” “hostile misogyny,” or “hostile sexism.”
Hostile sexism is exactly what it sounds like: aggressive hatred of women and actions taken to hurt them. Hostile sexism happens when men hate women. Men who are hostile sexists might want to sleep with women, but they don’t like them.
Men who partake in this type of sexism often spout incel rhetoric, may attack women who say no to them, will vote against women’s rights, and also assault them.
It doesn’t take much to see how much hostile sexism overtook men in recent years.
Sexism of all kinds is bad, but there are different shades of sexism that women experience. In the past, a common trope among men was the benevolent sexist who put women on a pedestal and got dumped.
Most women met guys who were misguided but well-meaning in their sexism. However, the number of benevolent sexists started to wane sometime around the 2010s.
That’s the start of the era when malevolent sexists took centre stage.
When I was 18, I was surrounded by benevolent sexists who truly believed vaginas get looser with more partners and that women all want babies..
With that said, most of the guys who were problematic for me back then honestly believed they were good men and that I was just a defect that needed to be “fixed” by the right guy.
Rare was the moment where I would run into a man who really, truly loathed women enough to lash out at them. I remember a time in my life where it was common to hear of women who never experienced a Nice Guy lashing out at them.
I don’t see that anymore. These days, hostile misogyny is everywhere I look. Every woman I speak to, whether cis or trans, seems to have a horror story of a man who literally can’t seem to hide some form of seething, burning hate they have for women.
If women had to choose a form of sexism, it’s obvious most would choose benevolent sexism.
Thankfully, we don’t have to choose our poison. Women worldwide are saying they are fed up with having to choose the lesser of two evils. They’d rather stay single, riot, and protest to regain their rights.
It shouldn’t have to be this way.
A lot of us grew up with the idea that men loved women, but was it ever really love if they can’t handle women being on the same playing field as them? I honestly don’t think so.
It’s a shame that we had to watch misplaced care turn into such seething hate as women assert their right to be seen and treated as human beings. And yet, here we are — almost grieving the brand of sexism that, at the very least, had a caring mask on it.
This type of behaviour is still culturally accepted, and will not change quickly, however we can be part of the change to stand up to this type of behaviour by learning more assertive communication skills , better boundaries, and ensuring our children are educated in the correct manner.
