One of my clients asked me if she was married to a narcissist ? This is a very interesting article which I have sent her to clarify a few things…
If you are married to a narcissist then it will be very difficult to have a healthy relationship. They will probably have narcissistic traits, such as exaggerated self-importance, which can be very challenging to deal with. When you first met your husband he may have made you feel like the most wonderful person in the world, but now that the excessive admiration has stopped, you may now realize that he is incredibly self-centered. If you do have a narcissistic husband then you may be looking to leave the relationship.
He may have made you feel like you cannot possibly cope with life without him, but eventually, you may get to a point where you have no other options. Divorcing a narcissist is notoriously difficult. It often results in a contested divorce with a lot of conflict. As a narcissist, your spouse will look to manipulate the situation any way they can. They might even be smart enough to fool lawyers and other professionals. That is why you need an attorney who understands Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Their actions will be predictable, and they will help you navigate your divorce in a way that protects your interests. They won’t let them manipulate the situation. They know the behaviors that are likely to emerge and will deal with them in a way that will benefit everyone involved, (including your husband).
Their goal is to help you leave your marriage feeling confident about your new life. The decisions that are made during a divorce could impact you, and your children, for the rest of your lives. Therefore, it is important that your husband doesn’t have all the control.
Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition and can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional. However, if you are married to a narcissist, then you may notice the following behaviors.
Your Husband is Charming
Narcissists are very charming and charismatic, at the beginning of your relationship they probably swept you off your feet with grand gestures., However, this is because they are skilled at hiding their true selves. Once you were hooked, their behavior may have begun to change. They may continue to fool your friends and family because they know how to act around other people, but behind closed doors a narcissist’s attitude shifts.
He Gaslights You
Gaslighting is a very harmful form of emotional abuse. It occurs when someone denies things you know to be true. He may claim that you don’t remember correctly, or that things didn’t happen the way you thought, or perhaps certain things happened because of your actions. When someone continually twists reality to fit into their version of events, it can leave you unsure of yourself. You may feel like you are going crazy or that you can’t trust yourself. They might even do this in front of friends and family members so that they think that you’re the problem.
He Manipulates You
One of the key traits of narcissistic partners is manipulation. They may make subtle threats or make you feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. You may get a sense that you need to do what they want you to do or something bad will happen. Often it will be easier to go along with what they want, even if you don’t really agree with it. Manipulation can be very subtle and difficult to identify. You may not remember what your true opinions or life was really like before you were manipulated.
He Never Takes Responsibility
If your partner likes to believe that everything is always someone else’s fault, even when they are clearly in the wrong, then this is one of the key signs of narcissism. It will be very difficult for them to apologize, partially because they have a blurred or no value system, and partially because they feel superior to other people. They might also be quick to blame you for anything that goes wrong in their own life and you might end up feeling like there’s nothing you can do right.
He Believes He Is Extraordinary
Another clear sign of a narcissistic person is that they believe they are extraordinary. They might believe that other people are not as funny, smart, attractive, or engaging as them.He Can’t Handle CriticismBecause of their exaggerated sense of self, they struggle to handle any criticism and will become very defensive at the slightest hint of it. If you do question their behavior they might find a way to twist it back around so that you end up facing criticism instead.
He Often Criticizes You
A narcissistic husband will be very critical of you and might make constant comments about your appearance or put you down in other ways. They may also make fun of other people, and be very critical of them, especially people they consider to be lesser than them for any reason, i.e because they have less money or have a career that they consider inferior to theirs.
He Makes You Feel Vulnerable
If you have a narcissistic husband, then you may feel a lot of pressure to do what they believe to be the right thing. This can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and fatigue. If your self-worth is based on your husband’s opinions of you, then you will feel very vulnerable. Someone with NPD feels secure when their relationship looks good on the outside, but their partner is actually very dependent on them. He might strive to keep control over you and the relationship through constant criticism, impossible demands, or withholding affection until you do what they want.
There is a Lack of Connection
Your relationship may have moved very quickly at the beginning, but he may have never actually asked about your plans for the future or considered your life together. He may brag about himself but have no interest in what’s going on in your life. Narcissists seek happiness from external things such as prestige at work or money, and their capacity for a close and intimate relationship is usually limited. Your partner may have been incredibly charming at the beginning of your relationship, but now you may feel isolated and detached from them.
He Ignores Your Needs
A narcissistic husband is usually a very selfish person and will only think about themselves, and not about you or your relationship together. They might expect you to do all the housework, or they may want to have sex with you when they want it, but not when you want it. They may also have a favorite child if they believe that child makes them look better in certain circumstances.
He Makes You Feel Inadequate
A narcissistic husband might make you feel as if you are not good enough. He might put you down, or you may feel that you no longer have time or energy for things you once enjoyed or were passionate about. It is common for people married to a narcissist to feel down and fatigued. You might hide things from family or friends or even distance yourself from them because you feel ashamed about things your husband does or doesn’t do.
He Uses The Silent Treatment
Your husband might give you the silent treatment to control your behavior. They may become withdrawn until they get what they want. These tactics should not be part of a healthy and loving relationship.
You Have To Tread Carefully
If you have a narcissistic partner, then you may feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells because you can’t predict their mood. Everything might seem ok one minute, but then suddenly they are in a rage, and the reasons may seem trivial. Even something good happening in someone else’s life might make them feel angry. You might feel unsure of yourself because how you act is now based on what keeps your spouse happy.
He Can’t Keep Promises
Your husband might not keep promises unless it’s convenient for them, which means that you can’t rely on them. If you need something done, then you have to do it yourself.
You Have Been Warned
Although your spouse is charming, there might be a friend or family member who sees through it. You may have been warned about him, or people may have questioned how he treats you.
He Won’t Change
If he has NPD he may be unwilling to change because he can’t grasp that he is the problem. They will usually believe that it is everyone else’s fault. Perhaps you have even tried couples’ therapy, but unfortunately, if you do have a narcissistic husband, then it is unlikely to have helped.
You Feel The Need To Avoid Conversations
It might feel like every conversation turns into an argument, even if you try to avoid getting upset by what they say. They will know how to get you to react, and controlling your emotions gives them a sense of satisfaction. You may find that it is easier to avoid the conservation completely rather than having to deal with their behavior.
He Makes You Feel Unloved
He once showered you with love, but now he might ignore or devalue you. This shift is a sign that how they were at the beginning of the relationship was not a true representation of them.
They Take Advantage of You Financially
Narcissists often take advantage of people financially. Perhaps you earn good money but do not feel as though you are benefitting from it. You might pay for everything because they can’t keep a job, or because they spend their money on extravagant things.
He’s Cheated On You
Someone with narcism usually flirts a lot and may have even cheated on you. He knows how to sweep people off their feet and they might purposely make you feel jealous by flirting with people.
FAQ's
Q: Is my husband a narcissist or just selfish?
A: Sometimes it’s difficult to know whether you are dealing with a narcissist or a selfish person, and only a mental health professional can make a true diagnosis. Generally, a self-centered person will not depend on other people’s constant approval to feel happy. A narcissist wants to feel superior, but they actually have low self-esteem and need constant praise to feel content.
Q: Is my husband a narcissist or just a jerk?
A: Some people act badly but do not have any mental health condition. However, someone with NPD is distinguishable because they have no real empathy for others. Their relationship with you is all about their own self-image. They don’t actually care about you on a deeper level.
Q: Can you be happily married to a narcissist?
A: On the surface, a relationship might appear very happy. However, it is very difficult to have a truly happy marriage with a narcissist. Once the initial stage is over, there will likely be a great deal of emotional abuse.
Q: What does a narcissistic husband act like?
A: The traits listed above are all indicative of a narcissistic husband. However, we know there is a lot of information to take in, so here are some key takeaways:
* He may be very charming and gifted at seducing people.
* He is very confident on the surface but gains assurance from external praise and things.
* He could be very money-driven, whatever the cost.
* He may have cheated on you.
* He thinks of children as a nuisance and doesn’t appreciate the attention they get over him.
* He sees other males as competitors.
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Q: What is a narcissistic wife like?
A: Female narcissists have many of the same traits as men, however, there are some slight differences.
* Female narcissists are also good at seducing people but may rely on their appearance to do so.
* They may squander a lot of money.
* Women may constantly compare themselves to other women and believe they are superior.
* They may compete with other women for dominance.
* Their children are an extension of themselves and they may believe that they should have credit for their child’s accomplishments.
* Female narcissists may be obsessed with their appearance.
If your husband is emotionally abusive and is unwilling to make changes, then it is time to consider separation. While everyone can act selfishly occasionally, if you are married to someone who is incapable of acting in any other manner, then your relationship is not supportive and healthy. There are long-term implications on your mental health if you are in a relationship with someone with NPD and divorce can be traumatic. Therefore, it is essential you have guidance and support from a professional who understands the condition and understands how to help you navigate your divorce.
